Songs of the Sea: Pirate Chantey

Here’s another little sea chantey to add to your musical collection. It’s done by Key & Peele, 2 funny guys who used to be on MADtv (which I loved). I really used to love MAD magazine when I was a kid, but the ones they’re coming out with now are nowhere near as funny as they used to be (and no, it’s not just because I’m getting older!).

This sketch somehow manages to be both a little risque’ and PC at the same time. 😉

Pirate Chantey– Key & Peele

“Thar once was a lass so fine,
She was drunk on Barleywine,
I’d been (out) to sea for a month or three,
I knew I could make her mine.
But the lass was past consent,
So it was off with her we went,
And we threw her in bed and we rested her head,
And we left cuz that’s what Gentlemen do…

A woman has a right to a drink or two,
Without worryin’ about what you will do!
We say Yo-HO but we don’t say ‘ho,’
Cuz ‘ho’ is disrespectful, yo.

Thar once was a girl from Leeds,
Who I heard was good on her knees,
So I docked my ship for an overnight trip,
To take care of all of my needs.
She was fine as the tales did tell,
And my mast began to swell,
So I laid her down and I raised her gown,
And performed cunnilingus for an hour or so.

Always take care of yer lady fair,
Cuz they deserve as much attention down there!
We say Yo-HO but we don’t say ‘ho,’
Cuz ‘ho’ is disrespectful, yo.

I once had a woman so fair,
Whose whom contained my heir,
With a son by my side, the seas we’d ride,
The child she would bear.
But my woman she was no fool,
She was working her way through school,
So I did support when she chose to abort,
Because it’s her body and therefor her choice.

No we don’t say ‘booty’ ‘less we talkin’ ’bout gold,
and we don’t look at chests ‘less they’s treasure-holds!
With a hat and a feather and a cutlass on our hip,
We don’t say ‘she’ when we’re talking ’bout a ship!
We don’t say ‘bitch’ and we don’t say ‘whore,’
Cuz that language leads to things like body dysmorphia.

Thar was a lady with a golden eye,
And the doctor said she would die,
So she emptied her purse to lift the curse,
And prayed to stay alive.
She awoke the very next day,
And in her grave she lay,
But the scariest part of the story from the start,
Is I bet you assumed the doctor was a man.

Women are doctors too,
And for a fraction of the doubloons!
We say Yo-HO but we don’t say ‘ho,’
Cuz ‘ho’ is disrespectful, yo.

Thar was a slut with tits to here, and an ass that- (gunshot. he is dead and that is good.)

Cuz it’s Yo-HO but we don’t say ‘ho,’
Cuz ‘ho’ is disrespectful, yo.”

Laundry Day

Will Santa Make It Out Here?

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. 🙂

Update: OSV Crew Performs “Africa”

I originally posted this last year, right about this time. At that point I had never been to Africa. I didn’t know I would get to come to work in Africa. I had high hopes for how things would be working here.

I recently (July 2014) started working out of Angola and things here are not at all as easy going as I had hoped after watching the video.

The work is pretty much the same as in the Gulf of Mexico. Even the paper work is the same. It looks like the USA has infected the entire world with its CYA culture. 🙁

Lawyers and insurance companies have done a pretty damn good job of ruining the world!

WATCH: OSV Crew in Africa Performs Toto’s “Africa” in Viral Video | gCaptain

Great job by the crew of the Bourbon Peridot!

Working in Africa is one of the most dangerous places in the world for working seafarers. At least these guys still have a sense of humor. 🙂

It’s nice to see there are some places in the world where we can still enjoy doing our jobs. It’s encouraging to think that there is still some hope to find a shipboard job where its not all about the ISM, IMO, SMS, USCG, BSEE, and all the other alphabet soup that organizes our every move.

In the USA, the lawyers and accountants have taken all the fun out of the job. We would NEVER be allowed to do something like this here anymore. I see ‘no horseplay’ posted on almost every vessel now and the companies here do take that very seriously.

Someone would be hounding these guys about their JSA, and where the heck is their PPE? Gloves, safety glasses (with side shields), steel toes, long sleeved fire-resistant clothing, ear plugs, hardhats, etc. No one is allowed out the door here without all that on! 🙁

And OMG!!! He had a KNIFE! Not an alternative cutting device! He would be fired immediately! Sailors without knives are like birds without feathers. A necessary part of our garb has been stripped away from us. A safety item has been declared ‘too risky’ for us to use!! What total BS!!

No wonder most sailors who have been anywhere other than the USA are so desperate to get away from this place again and will work pretty much ANYWHERE else. Personally, I am willing to take quite a pay cut in order to enjoy my job again. Too bad that’s what they’ve done to this place. 🙁

Hey, anybody over there need a good DPO??? I’m available any time. 😉

John Prine: Dear Abby

Just for the hell of it, here’s another one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite singer-songwriters.

John Prine is a fantastic songwriter. He’s written a lot of stuff that others have made hits. He’s not nearly as well known as he should be.

I hope you like it. 🙂

Shout Out!

Hi Everybody! I’ve been pretty much unavailable since I got here to the rig this trip. I’ve been busy on watch (working days this time), and when I get off the internet is just tooooo slooooowwww to deal with for more than a few minutes.

For some reason, it seems to be working a little faster than normal tonight so I thought I would at least say ‘hey’.

I’m too tired for much more than that tonight.

Here’s hoping things will slow down some (and the internet access will improve). 🙂

Comedy: Steve Hughes

I got an email earlier today from the Dollar Vigilante (I subscribe). He was talking about how we need to find ways to get more people to wake up, to see what’s really going on around them, to get involved.

It’s funny cause I was just suggesting the same thing at the Campaign for Liberty meetings I go to Tuesday nights when I’m home. How maybe we could try to use movies, videos and COMEDY to catch peoples attention.

At least long enough for us to start a conversation. Hopefully the comics would at least open their minds and get them thinking just a little bit out of the ordinary. Then maybe we could open it a little bit further. I was thinking along the lines of George Carlin (who was also in the TDV video).

I never heard of this guy Steve Hughes before. He’s from Australia. In the video he says he lives in England now. He’s doing a show in Sweden (Swedish subtitles). I think he’s pretty funny in this show. I also think he says a lot of things that OUGHT to make people THINK. I like that. 🙂

I especially liked it when he started up about second hand smoking. Check it out. 🙂

PS- If profanity REALLY offends you, maybe you ought to think twice, he does use cuss words.

Can't Remember to Forget You

OK, this is fun. I’m playing with youtube tonight. Tell me which one you like best (and why). 😉

I Need Rehab!

German Coast Guard Trainee

Cute. 🙂

Happy International Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Arrrrggh Mateys! This is the day we’ve all been waiting for (or not). 😉

It’s International Talk Like A Pirate Day! Enjoy watching the festivities from last year. Maybe you can find some around your location too. 🙂

I know my sailing buddies at Sail La Vie in Houston are having a big dress like a pirate paaarrty and sail tomorrow. (I’m just still too beat from work, that looooong journey home with no sleep, and too much to do to justify a 3+ hour drive, even for a great party).

Instead, I’ll be heading to the Texas Navy Day Celebrations here locally at Surfside Beach. Maybe I’ll even get to shoot a cannon! Arrrrghh, that’s a piraty activity too. 🙂

Check out the Talk Like A Pirate website, maybe you can find some nearby pirates to practice the lingo with over a good glass of grog. (It helps). Join in the fun! 🙂

Anyone who wants to send me pirate pictures, feel free! 🙂

Song of the Sea: Baltimore Whores

Here’s a rolickin’ old sea song for your Sunday morning. It’s sung by Gavin Friday and seems like a good example of the idea of the old style traditional sailors songs. Enjoy! 🙂

Baltimore Whores

There were four old whores of Baltimore
Drinking the blood red wine.
And all their conversation was
“Yours is smaller than mine.’

Timy, roly, poly, tickle my hole-y,
Smell of my slimy slough.
Then drag your nuts across my guts,
I’m one of the whorey crew.

“You’re a liar”, said the first whore,
“Mine’s as big as the air.
The birds fly in, the birds fly out,
And never touch a hair.”

Timy, roly, poly, tickle my hole-y,
Smell of my slimy slough.
Then drag your nuts across my guts,
I’m one of the whorey crew.

“You’re a liar”, said the second,
“Mine’s as big as the sea.
The ship sails in, the ship sails out,
Never troubles me.”

Timy, roly, poly, tickle my hole-y,
Smell of my slimy slough.
Then drag your nuts across my guts,
I’m one of the whorey crew.

“You’re a liar”, said the third one,
“Mine’s as big as the moon.
The men jump in, the men jump out,
And never touch the womb.”

Timy, roly, poly, tickle my hole-y,
Smell of my slimy slough.
Then drag your nuts across my guts,
I’m one of the whorey crew.

Swab your decks, me hearties
Slice them up with pride
You sons of whores
Yours is smaller than mine

“You’re a liar”, said the last whore,
“Mine’s the biggest of all.
A fleet sailed in on the first of June,
And didn’t come back till fall.”

Timy, roly, poly, tickle my hole-y,
Smell of my slimy slough.
Then drag your nuts across my guts,
I’m one of the whorey crew.

SNL: Shut it Down

I don’t care which party you like or where you stand on politics in America, this video is FUNNY. 🙂

The first time I saw it on Saturday Night Live, I about spit out my tea! Bachman and Boehner are hilarious!

Miley Cyrus parodies her own song. I like it much better this way. 😉

Dilbert

SNL: Chippendales

Hilarious video with Patrick Swayze and Chris Farley! 😉

I remember watching this one years ago when it was originally on TV. I used to LOVE staying up to watch Saturday Night Live.

I still try to, but it just doesn’t seem as good as it used to be.

I miss John Belushi, Gilda Radner, Chevy Chase…

I loved the Coneheads, those ‘wild and crazy guys, the cheeseburger guy…

I still love their take on the news, “Weekend Update”.

I rarely stay up late enough to watch it anymore, but if I’m home Saturday night and still awake, that’s what’s on TV. 🙂

 

PS- I started working on this post while I was at home. I noticed after I posted it this morning that the video I thought I already had in the post had disappeared. I tried to put it back, but since I am at work, I can’t look at things like that. They block it all here. So, I am not sure exactly WHAT the link will show. I HOPE it is showing the video I wanted to put on here about Patrick Swayze and Chris Farley competing for a job as a stripper at Chippendales.

Will somebody please check it out and let me know if that’s where the link goes. 😉

So sorry. I’ll have to be more careful about what I try to post while I’m out here. It IS a funny video, even if it’s not politically correct. 🙂

SNL: Obama Addresses Putin

He has got his Obama impression DOWN! 🙂

SNL still comes up with some good stuff sometimes.;-)

Hyperbole: Why Exaggerating Is Always the Best Answer

Here’s a helpful post on the use of hyperbole in your writing. There’s a hilarious Monty Python video included. I LOL, you will too! 🙂

Video: Capt Kirk and the Enterprise Meet Miley Cyrus

I have to admit, I’m not really into Miley Cyrus. I didn’t even really know who she was til this whole big media circus about her escapades at the MTV music awards.

So far, I’ve seen her on Saturday Night Live and now this great clip showing on utube using old film from Star Trek. Someone posted it on my Facebook page and I just cracked up laughing.

I love the reactions of the crew. Captain Kirk, Scotty, Spock and Uhura, Chekov finally lost it. OMG, funny!!! The guy who made this video got it down PERFECT!

I’ve never heard of ‘twerking’ before the awards. OK, I’m way past 30, so I know I must be out of touch with what’s going on, but I have learned to use google. 😉

Apparently this is some kind of new dance fad. I don’t think I’m missing much, but during my googling this morning, I discovered that there is an event called the UK Twerking Championships in London. I watched the highlight video. Let me tell you, it’s hilarious!

I’ve always enjoyed watching people dance. All kinds of dance. This twerking is something else. I would have a hard time keeping a straight face in that place. I wonder what they do to people who bust a gut laughing? They looked like they really were pretty serious. WTF???

I even found online lessons. In case you’re interested, here’s one. Enjoy! 😉

Know What This Is?

 

Ha Ha! 🙂

Merry Christmas from the DS-5!

Watch these emus freak out about a ball!

We can’t stop watching these emus freak out about a ball | Grist.

FUNNY video! I don’t know why they don’t like the music. I thought the tango went quite well with the dancing. 🙂 I had a few good laughs watching this. Too bad the batteries died so soon.

Hope you enjoy it too. 😉

Video: Female Sea Captains

A friend sent this to me the other day. I just got around to watching it. My computer is very slow and I’ve been really busy so it took a while. She figured I might like it since I’m a female sea captain. She was right, thanks J.! 🙂

It’s a sketch from Saturday Night Live (SNL). A whaling town has an epidemic that wipes out all the male sea captains and so the women take over the jobs. They have to avoid the mermen and find the white whale, with a few ‘she shanties’ sung along the way.

Well, no, it’s not as good as some of the real classic SNL skits, but it’s good for a few laughs, and after all, I really am a female sea captain. 😉

http://www.hulu.com/watch/560124

Couple of Corny Jokes

Life Support

If You Like Your Health Care Plan, You Can Keep It

cartoonF1108

Dilbert vs NSA

Thought For the Day

root of all evil

root of all evil

OSV Crew in Africa Performs Toto’s “Africa”

WATCH: OSV Crew in Africa Performs Toto’s “Africa” in Viral Video | gCaptain

Great job by the crew of the Bourbon Peridot!

Working in Africa is one of the most dangerous places in the world for working seafarers. At least these guys still have a sense of humor. 🙂

It’s nice to see there are some places in the world where we can still enjoy doing our jobs. It’s encouraging to think that there is still some hope to find a shipboard job where its not all about the ISM, IMO, SMS, USCG, BSEE, and all the other alphabet soup that organizes our every move.

In the USA, the lawyers and accountants have taken all the fun out of the job. We would NEVER be allowed to do something like this here anymore. I see ‘no horseplay’ posted on almost every vessel now and the companies here do take that very seriously.

Someone would be hounding these guys about their JSA, and where the heck is their PPE? Gloves, safety glasses (with side shields), steel toes, long sleeved fire-resistant clothing, ear plugs, hardhats, etc. No one is allowed out the door here without all that on! 🙁

And OMG!!! He had a KNIFE! Not an alternative cutting device! He would be fired immediately! Sailors without knives are like birds without feathers. A necessary part of our garb has been stripped away from us. A safety item has been declared ‘too risky’ for us to use!! What total BS!!

No wonder most sailors who have been anywhere other than the USA are so desperate to get away from this place again and will work pretty much ANYWHERE else. Personally, I am willing to take quite a pay cut in order to enjoy my job again. Too bad that’s what they’ve done to this place. 🙁

Hey, anybody over there need a good DPO??? I’m available any time. 😉

New Orleans

Since I’m spending some time in New Orleans and my hotel is right on Bourbon Street, I thought this might be a good time to post these cute little signs. I didn’t take these pictures, a friend of mine sent them to me a while back. I haven’t really spent much time out on Bourbon street (yet), tho I did wander through a couple of times already. I was invited to a few good private parties the first couple of nights I was here. Today I went on a plantation tour and was just too tired to go out and deal with the crowds. I’ll have to see how I feel tomorrow. There’s SO much to do here, its hard to decide what to do when. 🙂

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Melon Collie

What’s Your Plan?