Monday Funny

😉

Hello

This song by Adele has been pretty popular for a while now. I like it, but I think this parody (SNL did one too) is pretty good. I like their sense of humor. Really silly. 😉

Email Funnies: Engineers

A friend sent me this in an email the other day. I got a few laughs out of it. My dad was an engineer and I actually went for a couple of years of engineering myself before I changed to math (just so I could get out of school earlier).

Understanding Engineers #1
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”  The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice:  The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”
 
Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full.  To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
 
Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with those guys?  We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!”  The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!” The priest said, “Here comes the greens-keeper.  Let’s have a word with him.”  He said, “Hello George, What’s wrong with that group ahead of us?  They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”
The greens-keeper replied, “Oh, yes.  That’s a group of blind firemen.  They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!.”  The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”  The doctor said, “Good idea.  I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything she can do for them.”
The engineer said, “Why can’t they play at night?”
 
Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets.
 
Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”
The graduate with an arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”
 
Understanding Engineers #6
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
One said, “It was a mechanical engineer.  Just look at all the joints.”
Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer.  The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.”
The last one said, “No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.  Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”
 
Understanding Engineers #7
Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.  Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.
 
Understanding Engineers #8
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week.”  The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.  The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.”  Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.  Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter?  I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess and that I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.  Why won’t you kiss me?”  The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog – now that’s cool!!.”
 
Two engineers???
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
“We’re supposed to find the height of this flagpole,” said STEVEN, “but we don’t have a ladder.”
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground.
Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, and announced, “Twenty one feet, six inches,” and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, “A lot of good that does us.  We ask for the height and she gives us the length!”
Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently serving in the United States Congress.

Selfies

Ha! I needed a laugh today. I hope you got one too. 🙂

Laundry Day

A Word A Week: Rainbow

This weeks Word a Week Challenge from the Word in Your Ear Blog is: Rainbow.

Here is one of my rainbow pictures. I took this one a couple of years ago, when I was working on the tuna boat. We sometimes went in to Tarawa (Kiribati/Gilbert Islands) to unload. We would tie up to a reefer ship in the anchorage off Betio (the main town on the atoll) and have a couple of days to get ashore there.

For such a small place, in the middle of nowhere, Tarawa had some interesting history. Some of the biggest battles of WWII were fought over these islands. There are still a lot of military ruins/wrecks/artifacts from when the Americans were fighting the Japanese there (Battle of Tarawa).

I’m not really into military history or how wars are fought, but I do understand the strategy of having those island ‘stepping stones’ for the US during WWII. The US still keeps an eye on things there. When I was there once, I met up with a US ship doing some ‘PR’ work throughout the Pacific Islands. A group of military people were cleaning up the war memorial and sent a medical team to help out the locals.

At this point in time, Tarawa has gone back to it’s sleepy small town ways. I really enjoyed myself there. The people were friendly and a lot of fun. A couple of years after I stopped working over there, I read a book “Sex Lives of Cannibals” by J. Maarten Troost. I highly recommend it. I laughed SO hard. Yes, it really IS like that there. 🙂

Update: OSV Crew Performs “Africa”

I originally posted this last year, right about this time. At that point I had never been to Africa. I didn’t know I would get to come to work in Africa. I had high hopes for how things would be working here.

I recently (July 2014) started working out of Angola and things here are not at all as easy going as I had hoped after watching the video.

The work is pretty much the same as in the Gulf of Mexico. Even the paper work is the same. It looks like the USA has infected the entire world with its CYA culture. 🙁

Lawyers and insurance companies have done a pretty damn good job of ruining the world!

WATCH: OSV Crew in Africa Performs Toto’s “Africa” in Viral Video | gCaptain

Great job by the crew of the Bourbon Peridot!

Working in Africa is one of the most dangerous places in the world for working seafarers. At least these guys still have a sense of humor. 🙂

It’s nice to see there are some places in the world where we can still enjoy doing our jobs. It’s encouraging to think that there is still some hope to find a shipboard job where its not all about the ISM, IMO, SMS, USCG, BSEE, and all the other alphabet soup that organizes our every move.

In the USA, the lawyers and accountants have taken all the fun out of the job. We would NEVER be allowed to do something like this here anymore. I see ‘no horseplay’ posted on almost every vessel now and the companies here do take that very seriously.

Someone would be hounding these guys about their JSA, and where the heck is their PPE? Gloves, safety glasses (with side shields), steel toes, long sleeved fire-resistant clothing, ear plugs, hardhats, etc. No one is allowed out the door here without all that on! 🙁

And OMG!!! He had a KNIFE! Not an alternative cutting device! He would be fired immediately! Sailors without knives are like birds without feathers. A necessary part of our garb has been stripped away from us. A safety item has been declared ‘too risky’ for us to use!! What total BS!!

No wonder most sailors who have been anywhere other than the USA are so desperate to get away from this place again and will work pretty much ANYWHERE else. Personally, I am willing to take quite a pay cut in order to enjoy my job again. Too bad that’s what they’ve done to this place. 🙁

Hey, anybody over there need a good DPO??? I’m available any time. 😉