More from Comedy Week #758

I’ve seen these as Facebook status bars: I bolded my favorites! 

I think, for once, I would like to be simply whelmed.

“We know what we are, but know not what we may be.”- Hamlet 

If someone tells you that’s a hard sell, it’s usually code for your idea stinks.

Happy Birthday, Schrodinger, and long live your cat! (Ah, Google, the stuff you get me into…)

You never see it mentioned how an absolute LACK of power also has the tendency to corrupt absolutely…

I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider’s web. 

Warning – potential addiction. Once you get to know me I’m a very hard habit to break.

A posted sign saying “I don’t know how to act my age. I’ve never been this age before.” Written under it… Be any age you want, 26 is nice. Be 26. Most important is to be yourself. Be the best self you can be. Unless you can be a pirate. Then be a pirate. 

Bloody good, aint it? Tell your partner you love her, and what does she reply? “What have you done?”

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