Writing 101: Death to Adverbs

From out of the hot bright sunshine I walk into the cavernous space. As my eyes adjust, I breathe in the smell of slightly stale cigarette smoke and listen to the sounds that surround me. I hear plinking, whirring, tweeks, cheeps, and bleeps. It sounds like R2-D2 having a major breakdown. The casino draws me into its cool dark depths.

Wandering between the crowded rows of an amazing variety of games, I hear the one armed bandits scroll and clunk. Bells ring along with the sound of coins falling into the plastic buckets that await the bounty. People of all ages and appearance sit and stare. Smoke and sip their free drinks.

The table games attract attention with their beautiful dealers all dressed in old time finery. They wear uniforms of sparkling, satin-shiny red lingerie. Fishnet stockings and black high heeled shoes complete the intended image.

Cards shuffle and fly towards the waiting marks at the blackjack tables. Young couples dressed to impress smile across the felt as they count their cards and hope for a 21.

Crowds of people cheer as someone wins a roll of the dice on the craps table. The roulette wheel spins and clicks and the ball drops to its last black number. Whoops and hollers as the man in the Bass Pro Shop t-shirt wins the game.

I make my way to Penny Lane. Take a seat. Slide my dollar into the waiting slot. Video machines with multiple games. Five kinds of Keno, 10 Slots, Poker. Jacks or Higher, 9s or Higher, Double Bonus, Triple Bonus, Deuces Wild, Aces Wild.  All for only 1 cent each!

I have 100 tries to strike it rich! I play.

0 thoughts on “Writing 101: Death to Adverbs

  1. I like the way you began your piece, the whole thing was interesting, and the last part, it was a twist, I love it.
    “Walking into the cavernouse space coming from the bright sunshine, my eyes adjusting and breathing into the smell of slightly stale cigarettes and listening to the sounds that surround me. Plinking, whirring, tweeks, cheeps, and bleeps it sounds like R2-D2 is having a major breakdown”. (Just a suggestion on the active voice. I also had a hard time on this. Can you comment/suggest/improve mine?

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