Flower of the Day- Tulip

For Cee’s Flower of the Day post, here’s my contribution…

I do love to see the stunning displays of flowers in the Spring. These tulips were planted in a park in Korea (Incheon). Another place I would love to be able to spend more time in. 🙂

P is for Paranoid- #AtoZChallenge

“P” is for ‘paranoid’.

adjective

1. of, characterized by, or resembling paranoia

2. (informalexhibiting undue suspicion, fear of persecution, etc

I’ve been called paranoid a couple of times in my life. I do have to admit, I’ve never been an optimist. I worry about all kinds of things (probably un-necessarily). I worry will I ever be able to find decent work ever again. I worry about how will I be able to pay the bills when my savings runs out. I worry about how we are losing our freedom here in the USA and will we ever wake up and start clawing it back from the power hungry bastards we elect that keep stealing it from us.

But is it really paranoid if they are out to get you?

I must have some sort of mental issue. I mean, I’m definitely not ‘normal’. ‘Normal’ people just ignore all the things that bother me so much. They would pass right by that mass of cameras and not even notice. And if they did happen to notice (like one fell on their head or something), they would only comment (while they bleed all over the place from the injuries it just gave them) ‘it’s all just for our own good’.

My stepmother used to tell me “don’t worry, the universe is in divine order”. I could see that for her, it sure seemed to be. She was very pretty, confident, talented, smart. She made a (very good) living as a topless bartender for decades. She had a beautiful house right on the beach paid for (by ex-husband) and really had nothing to worry about at all. She could (and did) live her life exactly as she pleased.

My best friend tells me all the time, “chill out, don’t worry so much”.  She is retired, with a decent pension, social security, a couple of other checks coming in every month, with a paid for house and although she  has some health issues, she really doesn’t have any concerns either.

For me, whenever I go out anywhere now, I see the red-light cameras everywhere and they drive me crazy! WHY does “our government” feel that they need to spy on us? What gives those people who actually do those jobs the idea that they have any sort of right to do it? I don’t even want to get into the fact that there are so many “laws” on the books that we are ALL guilty of breaking at least a couple every day (no matter how law abiding you may think you are)!

Try reading “Three Felonies a Day“. Take a quick look at the hundreds of thousands of “laws” on the books (last count 178, 277 pages at the end of 2015)! This for a supposedly “free country”. 🙁

I go absolutely crazy in the airports over the TSA BS. It’s all I can do to keep my mouth shut. I’m grumbling through the whole process, from the minute I see the line start. It completely ruins the trip for me. WHO in the hell has decided that we must give up our INALIENABLE RIGHTS in order to travel? WHY have so many people just simply accepted their ridiculous excuses that “it’s only for our own safety”?

I have decided I must be some kind of mutant. I mean, I’m in such a tiny minority that it sure seems that way. Am I paranoid? Yeah, I do feel like they’re watching me all the time. The fact is that they ARE. They ARE watching ALL of us all the time! Every single email, phone call, website you visit, everywhere you go, every dollar you spend. Even your own house, phone, TV and appliances ARE spying on you now!

Poor Ed Snowden. He tried to wake us up. I consider him a hero for what he tried to do for us all. He gave up a lot to get the information out there. To put a stop to “our government’s” serious abuse of power. To wake us up so that we could take back our freedoms before it was too late forever.

I already knew most of what he said. It was all dribbled out in the news over the decades. But nobody paid any attention. Everyone still ignores it all. It’s just business as usual. Most people just go right on ignoring all the continuous everyday violations and don’t seem to give a damn at all. When I bring it up, the only thing they have to say is: “but it’s all for our own good”. WOW.

What in the world is “good” about living like that? Like George Orwell’s 1984, but worse?

WHY? That is what I want to know. No, not why they’re doing it. I already know that. It’s because they’re all a bunch of power hungry, greedy bastards! What I want to know is WHY does the general public put up with it? WHY are so few people concerned about it? WHY do so few people understand the real threats to THEM that this represents?

Paranoid? Yeah, I guess I am. But that doesn’t mean they’re not out to ‘get’ me. Or you!

G is for Galveston- #AtoZChallenge

G” is for Galveston. It’s the closest city of any size to me. I consider the Houston/Galveston/Freeport area my stomping grounds now a days.

When I first moved to Texas (almost 40 years ago), I used to really enjoy just wandering around. I moved here to go to college, so I had a bunch of friends I met in class to hang out with. We were all in the Ocean Marine Technology program (except a couple of outlier art students). So we all had an interest in boats.

We used to go up to Galveston all the time. For SCUBA class, for RADAR class, to the US Coast Guard office there. We always used to enjoy trying out new bars and restaurants on the way home.

I don’t get around anywhere near as much as I used to. Last time I went up to Galveston was with those 2 old artist friends from school. 🙂 We wanted to check out the art galleries and take a look around the Strand.

We found a couple of really neat artists, had a nice lunch, checked out all the interesting shops on the Strand, and avoided spending a fortune on some of the really cool nautical ‘junk’ I saw (or even more beautiful art- of which I already have a house full of).

Funny, but with all the changes around here, Galveston and especially the Strand still seems pretty much the same as it was when I first saw it.

Wet Weather

Oh boy! I was at work this morning up in Houston. We were doing some training exercises when we heard the rain start. That was around noon.

I left in the rain at about 3:00 PM and drove all the way home (about 70 miles) in the rain. I could hardly see in some spots. It’s after 4 now, still raining, thundering, lightning and no signs of slowing down.

The weather report says it will be over by 9 tonight. It’s already cooled off quite a bit and I’m enjoying that. 🙂

Busy Week

Wow! I’m sorry I haven’t been around here for so long. I’ve been occupied with other things all week and just haven’t had time to do much blogging. I’ve been lucky and had a couple days work this week. Tomorrow too. I’m so tired, by eyeballs are refusing to focus.  I’ll catch up this weekend.

I promise!

Who Is…

…keeping up with politics? Anyone subject themselves to the carnival on TV today? Trumps inauguration?

I do my best to avoid all that. I hardly saw any of the circus leading up to the election. I don’t like or trust any politicians and my greatest wish is for all of them to just leave us all alone!

In accordance with that, I did not vote for Trump. I voted for Gary Johnson and the rest of the Libertarians. They at least say they want to do that- leave us all alone.

Almost everyone I talked to did not like either Trump or Hillary. Most of them liked the Libertarians, but refused to ‘waste their vote’. I’ll never understand how it’s a waste to vote for someone you believe in. Continue reading

Decisions

I might not be on here for a few days. I’ve got a hard decision to make. I got laid off of work last September (2014). I’m not eligible for any help (unemployment) since my last job was overseas. The offshore oilfield still shows no signs of improvement and probably won’t til the price of oil stabilizes above $60/barrel.

Everything I’ve tried to do to earn money since I’ve been laid off has not worked. No one has been interested enough in buying my beach house to even take a look at it. I haven’t sold one piece of art except a small 4×6 photo for $10. My writing mostly hasn’t been interesting enough to an editor to be worth a reply. None of the jobs I’ve applied to have been interested enough to call me back, except Dominos Pizza for $6 and change/hour.

Beach House- For Sale- Fishermans Delight!

I still work doing the emergency management training if they have a class and if they put me on the schedule. That hasn’t happened since the end of October. Nothing coming up til the last week of January.

I’m really starting to worry about my situation. I’ve managed to save some money, normally enough to last being laid off, but I never thought it would ever take this long to find a job!  My friends tell me to ‘sell some of my stuff”. They don’t realize I’ve been trying to. No one wants to give me a fair price and I’m not willing to just give it away.

The decision I’ve been wrestling with is to take a job as a ‘safety attendant’, working in the plants around here. It’s ‘local’- I’d only have to drive 2-3 hours back and forth every day. My truck is getting to the point where I don’t want to put it through that (1997 F-150). It’s a 12 hour/day job, every day. Until the job ends. Then you’re supposed to be able to collect unemployment til they call you back again at some point. It pays $14/hour.

That would (barely) cover my bills (if I don’t have any time off- no down time for weather, etc). It would mean I have zero time for anything at all but eat, sleep, shower, work. For weeks, maybe months on end.

I have to spend all day Wednesday-Thursday in ‘training’ in order to get certified to do this job. Same thing I’ve done for the last 30+ years, but never needed a certificate to do it offshore (yes, it’s amazing that they don’t require it too, but actually let us do a simple job without spending hours in a ‘training facility’ on the beach!). They give us the same training, they just call it something else at every company. This place doesn’t even pay for the training.

I’m thinking I should at least go to the training. Maybe I can find out more about the actual conditions of this particular job from others there?

The other choice is: to just give up. To quit ‘working’ altogether. Forget about trying to keep my documents current. Forget about looking for work. Stop spending hours filling out online applications for jobs that don’t exist and just chill. Relax and work on my art. 🙂

an example of my art- star fish in pastels

Spend that time figuring out how to get the hell out of this ratrace and find somewhere that I can afford to live with no job. From previous travel and research, I know already that almost everywhere is cheaper than the US. My only real concern is how long can I make it without any income from work at all? I’m (only) 55. A very, very long way from being able to collect on social security (if it’s even still there).

If things were like they were when I started this career, it wouldn’t be an issue. I could take off for a couple of years and when I was ready, just  jump right back in to work. That’s not possible any more.

When I was taking my walk tonight, I figured the absolute minimum I would need to just keep my license current would be $10,000 and 5 weeks of time! We have to re-take a hell of a lot of ‘training’ now and it seems they require more of it every year. That’s really a very, very low estimate.

So, if I do decide to quit. I won’t be able to come back. Ever.

I hate the thought of that. I LOVE what I do! I’ve spent almost my entire life at sea and I don’t want to leave it. I’ve spent tens of thousands of dollars to get my license. I hate the thought of just throwing all that away.

It gives me chills even to think of giving it up forever. I really don’t know what to do. I’ve been in this limbo for months now. I can’t concentrate on trying to make a living with my art (writing/photography/painting) since I’m distracted all the time trying to look for work. I think I might quit for a while, but then I remember theres no coming back if I do.

This really sucks!

I keep hoping that someone will come through with a real job for me! A job where I can do what I’ve been trained to do already! A job that I’m good at. A job that I actually LIKE!

I’ll call them all again tomorrow, see if there’s any hope at all. Keeping my fingers crossed.

one of my favorite paintings- I did this on the ship using deck paint!